Heterosexual relationships are often limited by nature when it comes to genitalia. Either you are the one being penetrated or you are the one doing the penetration. But in homosexual relationships we men have the "tools" to be completely versatile, leading to endless amounts of pleasure and a wide variety of dating potentials.
Unfortunately, majority of gay men limit their potential by identifying as either top or bottom, and henceforth only pursuing those who are a different sexual preference than themselves. With there being roughly 1,018,700 African-Americans who openly identify as LGBT, and taking into consideration that a percentage of that number includes lesbians, the available dating prospects is now reduced tremendously.
Now take into consideration some of the qualities that we look for in a potential dating partner:
- Is he feminine or masculine?
- Is he openly gay or in the closet?
- Is he bisexual or gay?
- Does he have a girlfriend/wife?
- Does he have children?
- Is he HIV-negative or positive?
- If he's a top, is he aggressive?
- How big is his dick?
- If he's a bottom, is he submissive?
- How sexual appealing is he?
- Has he had sexual relations with friends/acquaintances?
- Is his financial situation stable?
Despite us being able to connect much easier through dating apps and social media, in today's society it can be extremely challenging to find a quality partner.
Yes it is very important to have personal requirements for selecting your ideal lover, but we must also take into consideration that it is our list that have the potential to limit our love lives.
A few months back, I was approached by this gentlemen on a popular dating app. The guy was attractive, but the details of his profile let me know that he had different intentions than myself. Still, I responded to his message and as a conversation developed, he let me know that he was indeed looking to hookup.
Knowing that I had taken a vow of abstinence until me next relationship, I declined, but it seemed as though he took that as me playing hard to get. By this point I was done with the conversation, but didn't want to be that guy who blocks people, so I tried to think of a clever reply message. When he asked me what my sexual preference was, seeing that he was a bottom--I told him that I was also a bottom.
His reply message read just as I thought it would, "Damn you fine as fuck, but I don't rub pocketbooks." Mission accomplished! He was gone for good without me having looked like your stereotypical asshole, but the encounter left me with puzzled as to why he had given up simply because I was a "bottom."
When it comes to bottom/bottom relationships, I honestly do believe that they can work.
A real relationship should never be defined by what we do sexually as a relationship is more than just what we do in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, balcony, rooftop--you get the picture.
Take the time to entertain the possibility of either one of you or the both of you, becoming versatile. There is no doubt that compromises will need to be made to meet each other’s sexual needs, but you may actually find versatility enhances your relationship. Some of the best sex I have ever had, has been with another versatile man as it opened the door for more pleasurable sensations.
Believe it or not, bottom/bottom relations are easier that top/top relations since both parties are receptive to penetration. In top/top pairings, there is more resistance since neither partner has ever been penetrated, limiting the flexibility of the pairing.
If you resist the idea of topping your partner from time to time, explore what it is about this sexual activity that is causing you to set this boundary, as there may be a psychological block you could work through and lift. For example, a buddy of mine who was raped when he was younger, refuses to bottom because of that life altering transgression.
Additionally, there is a variety of sex toys (dildos, double-ended dildos, vibrators, dolls, etc.) that could be integrated into your sex play that could help fill the void of a penetrating partner.
While we men all have the tool needed to participate in penetration, I have heard from some bottoms, and experienced it myself, that they don't get hard enough to penetrate another man. In that case, there are plenty of strap-ons available, some of them extremely realistic--right down to the veins in the shaft. Just think, you could be getting fucked by a different sized penis every night, not be considered a whore and still remain faithful to your lover.
The biggest question is how much of a role sexual position plays in your personal requirements for long-term happiness in a relationship.
Is not being with a partner who will top you (without the aide of sexual toys) a deal-breaker, or is this something that can be worked on? If not, a bottom/bottom type of pairing may not be for you.
However, keep in mind that the dating pool for men of color is extremely shallow, and if you are limiting yourself to one specific relationship pairing, the list of prospects decreases drastically.
If you have find a partner, your soul-mate who is perfect for you in every way, except for the fact that he is a bottom just like you, could you walk away from him without regrets in an attempt to find a top who may fuck you, but never fuck you as good mentally as the bottom you left in the past?
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